


sometimes, i hate that you know me so well. sometimes, i wish that i wasn’t myself

by idkshrug



Category: Mythic Quest: Raven's Banquet (TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, but i don't want to give anything away, but it's complicated, i want to tag more, oh yeah and also a tw for some descriptions of self harm, so y'all should just read it, tw// panic attacks and homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28540068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idkshrug/pseuds/idkshrug
Summary: it helped that no one knew. the love that david and brad shared (even though they hadn’t directly used the l-word before) stayed between the two of them.brad loves david, he really does, but he still has yet to make that particular confession, almost completely because of the fact that he, even at 41, still hasn’t made peace with the fact that he is attracted to men. it also has to do with the terror of having other people find out that he is attracted to men, find out that he has a weakness. he’s been hurt before, and he refuses to let his guard down long enough to let anyone hurt him again, especially with this part of himself.
Relationships: Brad Bakshi/David Brittlesbee, Dana/Rachel (Mythic Quest: Raven's Banquet)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12





	sometimes, i hate that you know me so well. sometimes, i wish that i wasn’t myself

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spinning_out](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spinning_out/gifts).



> mind the tags and the trigger warning! work contains descriptions of panic attacks, homophobia, internalized homophobia and some self harm. other than that i hope y'all enjoy!
> 
> for my muse, @spinning_out (read her stuff, it's amazing) <4

Brad runs his fingers through his hair and leans back in his desk chair, frustrated. He turns his phone over in his hand, the screen lit up with his lock screen picture. That fact just makes him even more frustrated, because instead of Brad looking down at his lock screen and seeing a picture of himself and his beautiful boyfriend, all he sees is a plain black background, because he has a heartless reputation that he has to keep up. Here’s a little peek into the real Brad Bakshi; he’s not actually heartless.

Two arms clad in a soft sweater curl around Brad’s waist, and a kiss is pressed to the side of his face. David's mustache tickles Brad's ear and he smiles despite himself. This. This right here is Brad's heart. This beautiful man, who cracked open his rough, mean exterior and found all the insecurities, and all the heartache underneath. And yeah, maybe all of Brad's meanness isn’t a show. Maybe he has a bit of a dark sense of humor, and maybe he enjoys making Ian squirm. Hell, maybe he even likes selling random video game shit to moronic, ignorant kids who didn’t realize they were having their parents shell out valuable dollars to essentially buy an idea. He’s an amazing evil capitalist and part of him is proud of that. But the other part of him isn’t all that mean. That other part of him loved seeing how happy Rachel was after he got Dana’s job back, and felt that flare of anger when the Nazi’s invaded the game. It was that part of him that fell in love with the absolute gem that is David Brittlesbee, even while the worst part of him screamed at him that he was a freak for feeling the way he felt about another boy. David accepted both sides of him unconditionally, without judgment, and it was that which made it easy for Brad to love David and ignore the hate for himself that he held inside.

It helped that no one knew. The love that David and Brad shared (even though they hadn’t directly used the L-word before) stayed between the two of them. That was the first thing Brad said after the two of them first kissed, late at night in the office when they were both drunk off the success of Ian beating the masked man and David standing up to Montreal. Brad had finally gotten tired of his heart beating against his chest, telling him to just reach out for David, hold him, tell him how he felt. Brad had gotten tired of that and had kissed David, hard. David returned the kiss just as hard, his breath hot against Brad’s face, his tongue exploring inside Brad’s mouth, his hands tangled deep in Brad’s hair. It had been one of the most euphoric moments of Brad’s life. At least until the panic set in, the voice in his head again shouting at him that it was wrong, wrong, wrong what he was doing with David, what he wanted to do to David in that moment. And yet… Brad couldn’t bring himself to run away like he so desperately wanted to. He was too in love with the feeling of David’s lips on his, so all he did was pull away for a second, whisper a jumbled mix of panicked words about how no one could ever find out they were in a relationship, and continue with kissing David.

That had been a while ago, and since then they had become boyfriends, (and though they hadn’t officially moved in together because it would be too obvious), they spend most nights together in Brad’s large apartment. Brad loves David, he really does, but he still has yet to make that particular confession, almost completely because of the fact that he, even at 41, still hasn’t made peace with the fact that he is attracted to men. It also has to do with the terror of having other people find out that he is attracted to men, find out that he has a weakness. He’s been hurt before, and he refuses to let his guard down long enough to let anyone hurt him, especially with this part of himself. Except for David. Because David understands. David understands what it's like to be looked at differently, and treated differently because of who you are and who you love. David understands what it’s like to hate yourself on the inside. It’s David who understands, and it’s David who had constantly reminded Brad of how beautiful he is, how valid his feelings are. And yeah… yeah, Brad really really loves him.

“What are you thinking about?” David whispers into Brad’s ear, his breath hot against Brad’s skin. Brad almost says it. The words “how much I love you” are nearly past his lips. He can imagine the little sound that David will make, the way his eyes will get wide and he’ll gape like an adorable idiot at Brad for a good five minutes while trying to process the words. Brad doesn’t know if David will say the words back. He wants to be certain that David would return the sentiment, that David looks at Brad and feels as much love for Brad that Brad feels for David, but he can’t be sure. His skin crawls and he shivers involuntarily at the thought of David looking at him with the same disdained look that still haunts Brad’s dreams. “Hey, Brad. What’s going on honey?” David asks again, and Brad is whipped unpleasantly from his head and back into the present moment, back into his boyfriend's arms.

“Nothing,” Brad says, forcing a smile and turning as much as he can in his chair so he can see David’s face. “I’m okay.” David hums into Brad’s neck and starts to run his fingers through Brad’s hair, successfully calming him down. Brad’s phone lights up again, with another text. Brad grabs the phone from his lap and groans when he reads the text from an unknown number.

_Hey Brad. It’s Sara, Ian’s friend. What time are you picking me up tomorrow night?_

Fuck.

“Who’s Sara?” David asks curiously, reading the text over Brad’s shoulder. Brad groans again. This right here, this text, this girl, is why he was frustrated.

“You know that office party we’re having to celebrate Poppy being named co-creative director?” Brad starts.

“Uh, yeah.”

“Ian set me up with a friend of his, Sara. I’m taking her to the party.”

“You’re what?” David asks, and oh, there's that little noise he makes in the back of his throat when he’s surprised. Brad fights back the urge to jump out of his window and opens his mouth to start talking again.

“I’m taking Sara to the office party.”

“As your date?”

“As my date.”

“Oh. Okay.” David untangles his arms from around Brad and gets up from where he was kneeling on Brad’s home office’s floor. He goes to walk out the door, when Brad grabs his arm.

“Where are you going D-man?” Brad jokes. His eyes are slightly wild, his heart beating hard in his chest.

“I’m going back home.”

“What do you mean you're going home, we haven’t spent a night apart in weeks. We basically live together, this basically is your home.” Brad knows that he sounds like a hypocrite, knows that his voice is borderline hysterical, but Brad hates the idea of not sleeping next to David, hates the idea of thrashing awake in the middle of the night from a nightmare and not having David’s arms around him. Even just the idea of spending one night alone makes Brad panic, because what if David doesn’t come back? What if he realizes that Brad is too much of a mess, too much of a terrible person, too much of a coward.

“Brad, breathe. Breathe, it’s okay everything is fine.” Brad doesn’t realize he’s hyperventilating, doesn’t realize that he’s basically collapsed against David until David starts to talk to him. He can’t concentrate on David’s voice though. It feels so far away, and Brad feels like he’s drowning. He knows he’s having a panic attack; he’s had them before. His first one had been right before Brad came out to his older brother Jack, the first and only person he’s ever come out to. His reaction has been exactly what Brad was expecting, and his lack of air and control pulls him right back to that dreadful day.

_“What do you mean your gay?” Jack says, looking down and sneering at a fifteen-year-old Brad. “You’re a fag? A fairy?”_

_“Yeah, I-I think so?”_

_“No.” Jack advances on him, and Brad takes a step back. “You’re not… gay.” Jack cringes at the word, almost like it physically pains him to think about his little brother liking boys instead of girls. “You're young, Brad. You don’t know what you’re talking about. You can’t tell anyone, you can’t tell anyone you’re a fag. You don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re confused, you’re WRONG!” Jack screams, reaching forward and slapping Brad, hard, on the face. He stalks out of the room, and Brad collapses to the ground, holding his cheek and sobbing. He curls his nails into his leg so hard he draws blood._

_“I hate myself,” Brad whispers. “I hate myself, and I’m not gay-” his voice cracks. “I hate myself.”_  
_His younger sister finds him, later that day, in the same position and holds him to her chest, tells him that everything is fine, that he’s okay, even though she has no idea what had happened._

_“Shhh, Brad, Brad, everything’s okay, just breathe. Just breathe Brad.”_

“Brad, come on, just breathe, it’s okay,” David says, and finally, finally Brad hears him. David takes Brad’s hand in his, places it right on David’s heart. “Listen to my heart, breathe with me. It’s okay honey, you’re okay.” It takes a while, but Brad’s breath starts to even out and his chest starts to loosen. David helps him stand up and leads him over to the couch, which David pushes him onto.

“I’ll be right back,” David says, pressing a kiss to Brad’s forehead before walking into the kitchen. Brad hears the tap turn on, and then off before David comes back in with a glass of water in his hand, which he places in front of Brad.

“Drink that,” David says, sitting down next to Brad. Brad doesn’t touch the water glass, and David sighs. “Will you please put your stupid fucking pride and dick-ness away for three seconds and just drink the damn water?” Brad startles a bit and reaches out a no-longer-shaky hand for the water glass.

“I thought you liked my dick-ness D-man?” Brad snarks, before taking a sip of the water. The cool water definitely settles him, and he fights back a deep sigh.

“I’m serious Brad.”

“Okay.”

“Brad!”

“What?” Brad snaps, some water sloshing out of the glass and onto Brad’s pants, though he doesn’t care.

“What was that about?” David asks, more gently. “The panic attack?”

“You were leaving and pissed at me, and I don’t want to sleep without you there, and I knew I was having a panic attack, which reminded me of my first panic attack, and the… events that came after,” Brad says, and yeah that's more than he wanted to share, but it’s David.

“Oh,” David says. He lifts his lips into a small smile, and Brad leans forward to place a kiss on them. He’s surprised when David moves out of Brad’s reach, and shakes his head.

“No, Brad. I know what you’re trying to do,” he says.

“And what’s that?” Brad asks, smirking at David as he takes another sip of water.

“You’re trying to distract me. You’re trying to distract me so that I forget you had a panic attack, and so I forget that you’re taking some random girl on a date, and so that instead of talking about our feelings we just fuck and watch Ducktales like we do every night. We need to talk about this Brad.” Brad’s heart has started to beat faster than normal again, and he curses David out in his head, because dammit he’s right. That’s exactly what Brad is doing, and shit. Shit, shit, shit, Brad doesn’t want to talk about this, now or ever. He doesn’t want to deal with this.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Brad says.

“You’re going on a date with another woman, even though you have a boyfriend. You just had a bad panic attack and flashback,” David repeats slowly, for emphasis. “You don’t think we should talk about that?”

“No, I don’t.”

David sighs. “Fine then.” He stands up. “I’m gonna go Brad. I’m done.” Brad shoots up from the couch and grabs for David.

“What do you mean you’re done?” Brad asks. “With this conversation? That's fine by me, let's just not have it then. Let’s just watch Ducktales.”

“No, Brad,” David says, moving Brad’s hand from his arm. “I mean I’m done with us.” A tear rolls down David’s cheek and Brad uses all of his self-control to not brush it away.

“No,” Brad says, his voice cracking. “No, you can’t break up with me. I-,” Brad cuts himself off, his heart breaking. “No,” he repeats softly.

“Brad. I care about you so much, but I can’t just watch you at our work party with someone else. I can’t do it.” David runs his hand over his face. “You didn’t even ask me, Brad. You just said yes. You didn’t ask me, or prepare me, or anything. You didn’t think to care about what I might think.”

“Because it’s not a big deal!” Brad exclaims. “You know I don’t like girls, you know that it’s you I want.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I know that. But no one else does. And you know what, I don’t even know if I know that anymore.” David sighs shakily and wipes at his tears. “I know that what happened with your brother was awful. I know how much you hate yourself some days. I was there after we had sex the first time and you locked yourself in the bathroom and cut bloody lines on your wrists because you were so disgusted with yourself. I know you Brad, the real you. But no one else does, and the longer that this goes on, the less I feel like I know you. The longer you hide yourself, the less I feel like I matter to you as much as you matter to me.” Brad is crying now, sobbing silently, his shoulders shaking and his whole body weak. “I very rarely stand up for myself, but I’m tired of this Brad. Go to the party with Sara. It’s fine, I don’t care.” And with that, David walks silently out of the room. A second later, Brad hears the door slam.

Brad's sobs start coming out harder and louder, and he collapses back onto the couch. He grabs hold of one of the couch pillows and throws it across the room. Then he does the same to another pillow. He takes the empty water glass in his hand and throws that too. It shatters against the wall. Brad wails then, lets himself really cry as what happens starts to sink in more and more. He loves David, and now David is gone.

\-------------

Brad has a nightmare that night. He dreams of the night that he came out to Jack, hears the same words, physically feels the slap. But it’s different in his dream. The person in front of him isn’t Jack. It isn’t Jack’s voice shouting the slurs, and it isn’t Jack’s hand that slaps him in the face. It’s his own. And when he looks down at his arm and notices that the skin is shades lighter than it should be, he knows that it isn’t his body he’s in. It’s David’s.

Brad wakes up and immediately flails his arms to the other side of the bed, only finding cold sheets where a warm body once resided. Brad’s not stupid. He knows he had this dream coming. He knows that this whole fucked up situation is his own fault. Brad hates it though. He hates how his hand is shaking, how much he misses David already. Honestly, this dream was the last straw for Brad. He can’t live without David. Actually, that’s not true, because he did a fine job of surviving before he met his office mate, and while he wasn’t necessarily happy, he knows that he was still doing an okay job of living. So, to say he doesn’t want to live without David is a more accurate statement. Brad doesn’t want to wake up from nightmares with no warm arms around him, doesn’t want to cook dinner without someone singing terrible Broadway songs in the background, doesn’t want to curl up on the couch all alone. Brad was so good at being alone and then came David, and they started dating and he didn’t have to be anymore. Brad doesn’t want to have to go back to being alone.

He’s still tired, but Brad knows that there’s no chance of him going back to bed after that dream. He also knows, now more than ever, that he needs to get David back. And by doing that Brad needs to let everyone know that he’s gay, and in love with David. He needs to let David know Brad’s in love with him. Just the idea of doing all that makes Brad’s palms sweat, and his heart thump harder than it should. He wants David back though, more than anything. His phone is on his bedside table, and he takes it in his hand. He has an idea of who to call, someone who he knows will be supportive, someone who actually owes him a favor. He sighs and drops his phone, pinching the top of his nose before picking it up again. Brad can’t believe he’s actually doing this.

 _“Well here goes nothing,”_ he thinks, pressing the call button. The person on the other line answers surprisingly fast considering it’s five in the morning.

“Hello?”

“Yeah, hey Rachel. It’s Brad.”

“Brad?”

“Yes, Brad,” Brad says, rolling his eyes.

“What’s up?”

“I need your help with something. You owe me.” Brad’s breath catches after he says that as he attempts to mentally prepare himself for what he’s gonna say next.

“Okay yeah, fine, what?” Rachel sounds irritated now, and Brad thinks he can hear Dana’s voice in the background. Brad smirks.

“Put your little girlfriend on the phone too, I know she’s there.”

Rachel sputters, but then Brad hears a click and Dana's voice spitting out a tired “Hey.”

“You sound tired. Not getting much sleep are we?” Brad asks, enjoying the normalcy of making fun of other people. It helps to cancel out the vulnerability he knows he’s about to feel.

“It’s five in the morning, Brad. What the hell do you want?” Rachel asks, groaning. Brad takes a deep breath.

“I need some advice,” he pauses. “On how to… win someone back?” Dana starts laughing, and even Rachel is having trouble containing her snickers.

“The Brad Bakshi needs help from us to win a girl back?” Dana taunts teasingly. Brad gulps.

“It’s uh, not a girl…” he mumbles quietly.

“What?”

“It’s not a girl. Who I’m trying to win back.” Brad says, louder, and more panicky than he meant to. There’s a brief moment of silence on the other line, and Brad doesn’t know what to do, or say. He ends up just getting out of bed and starting to pace around his room.

“It’s David isn’t it?” Dana finally says, excitedly. “I knew it, I totally knew there was something going on between you too, oh my god, please tell me the person you need to win back is David.”

“Wait what do you mean you knew there was something going on between us?!” Brad asks, panicked. “Do other people know?”

“No of course not. We work with some of the most oblivious people in the world, who are way too self-absorbed to be able to pry their heads out of their own asses for two seconds and try and figure out anything about the people around them,” Rachel says, and suddenly Brad is laughing, his heart full and a smile on his face. He knows then that he made the right choice in calling Rachel, knows that this is the best possible outcome for this situation.

“Besides,” Dana adds after they’re all done laughing. “We both know a thing or two about being in love with your coworker. It's a ‘takes one to know one’ kind of thing.” Brad smiles despite himself.

“Well that's great for you, but that’s not exactly the expert advice I was looking for.” Brad snarks.

“I don’t know why I answered your phone call,” Rachel says.

“You have to. I own you.”

“Haha.”

“She just stuck her tongue out at you,” Dana pipes in.

“Of course she did,” Brad says, then sighs. “But seriously… I need your help. I need to get David back.”

“So it is David!?” Dana exclaims.

“Yes, _dumbass_ , we already established that,” Brad says, rolling his eyes again. _“This is what I get for asking for help from children,”_ he thinks to himself.

“Okay,” Rachel says. “Let’s _Bradstorm_.” She laughs, and Brad hears Dana sigh. “Get it? Brad, brainstorm?”

“Yeah, I get it. Never say it again.”

“Noted,” Rachel says, laughing again.

\-------------

The party is surprisingly busy by the time Brad finally musters up the courage to join the crowds. He’s already nervous enough about what he’s going to do tonight, and the fact that there are more people there makes him start to mildly panic. He looks around, trying to catch sight of Dana and Rachel while still keeping his face flat. He catches sight of them over by the buffet, Rachel's arm wrapped tightly around Dana’s waist, which makes Brad smile. Brad starts to make his way over to them, pushing past the people in his way.

“Great party,” he says smoothly, leaning against the wall next to the two girls.

“Yeah,” Dana says, and then points in front of her, at the karaoke machine that Ian had been talking about since they started planning this party. “And look at that, right as planned.” Brad nods, and swallows, wiping his palms on his pants.

“Hey,” Rachel says, grabbing his arm and squeezing. “It’s gonna be okay. You got this.” Brad nods and forces a smile.

“Hello. You’re Brad, right?” A feminine voice asks from behind Brad. He turns around and is met with the face of a pretty blonde girl, with long supermodel legs and a skimpy shirt.

“Yep. That’s me.”

“I’m Sara, Ian’s friend?” Brad’s heart drops. “You never answered me last night, so I just figured I had the wrong number, and that I’d meet you at the party.”

“Did it ever occur to you that maybe I just didn’t want to go with you to the party?” Brad snarks, hoping Sara can’t sense the tremble in his voice.

“Nope,” she responds cheerfully, and Brad resists the urge to groan. Shit woman, take a hint.

“Uhhh,” Rachel says from behind Brad, as Dana clears her throat. “Care to introduce us, Brad?” Brad glares at Rachel.

“This is Sara,” he says, his tone sweet, and his smile fake. “She’s a friend of Ian’s. He set me up with her because he thinks that I needed some action.”

“Ah of course,” Dana says, nodding along thoughtfully. “Well Sara, you look like the kind of girl that likes video games.”

“Uh, not really,” Sara says.

“Here, come over with me, let me show you something me and Rach have been working on,” Dana says, ignoring Sara and grabbing her arm. She starts to lead Sara out of the crowd and towards Rachel and Dana’s testing booth.

“Brad!” Rachel hisses. “You have to find David before they come back, so you can do the thing we planned! Come on, no time to waste.” Rachel pushes Brad away from her, back into the crowd.

“I’m going, I’m going, Jesus,” Brad says, slapping at Rachel’s hand on his back. He glares at her one more time before turning back into the mass of people to try and find David.

Brad looks around for David for a good ten minutes, without any luck, before he approaches Poppy, Ian and Jo where they’re standing and talking in the dead center of the room.

“Hey Brad,” Jo says.

“Yo,” Brad says. “Hey, so, have you guys seen the D-man anywhere?”

“Nope,” Poppy replies.

“Nah, haven't seen him yet,” Ian says. “But, I did see Sara. I sent her over to you, what happened?”

“Oh, Dana wanted to show her something,” Brad says, eyes still scanning the crowd for that familiar flop of blonde hair.

“Talking about me?” A voice whispers in Brad’s ear, and arms that are not at all as comforting as David’s wrap around his neck. They’re too tight, too long, and small and smooth and Brad wants nothing more than to just push them off of him and stalk away. Brad looks up and goes to twist out of Sara’s arms, when he freezes. Shit.  
Brad locks eyes with David, and he looks… devastated. Brad watches David’s eyes trail over Sara and Brad, her arms intertwined around him, and he turns on his heel and disappears into the crowd. Shit, no. Shit, shit.

Brad scrambles away from Sara’s arms and runs after David, pushing through the throng of people, ignoring Ian and Sara’s voices calling to him.  
“Dave!” he yells, struggling to keep up with David as people crowd his path. Brad feels like screaming. He should have known his plan would never work, he should have known that he would lose David forever. David is too good for Brad, deserves so much more. And yet… Brad loves him more than he thinks he’s ever loved anything or anyone.  
Brad emerges from the crowd, and his heart soars when he catches sight of David slipping into their office. He follows David, opening the door slowly.

“David?” Brad asks. David is sitting at his desk, fidgeting with one of the fidget toys they keep laying around everywhere.

“I can’t believe you brought her Brad,” David says after a minute, sighing. “I know I’m not much, but I thought I meant more to you than that. I thought you would at least spare my feelings, and not make me watch you two be draped all over each other all night. I mean c’mon Brad, we just broke up, and it, I mean, I,” David sighs again and lets his head drop down into his hands.

“Don’t say that David. You’re so much, you’re… you’re _everything_.” Brad says, kneeling on the ground next to David’s chair. He reaches for David’s hands. David pulls away though and looks up at Brad, his face pained. Brad starts talking again, desperate to get his explanation out. “I didn’t come here with her Dave. I didn’t bring her. When I didn’t respond last night she thought she had the wrong number and that she’d just meet me here. I didn’t want to bring her, I didn’t want to meet her here, hell, I don’t even want her to be here. I don’t care about her. You’re what I care about. The only reason I even came here tonight was just so I could, try, try and win you back. I miss you, Dave, I miss sleeping with you and cuddling with you, and holding you and, and kissing you.” Brad reaches his hand forward again, gently cupping David’s face and smiling softly when David doesn’t pull away. “Let’s try this again, okay? Let’s… be together again.”

David stands up suddenly, the chair screeching on the floor. “No, Brad. No, you don’t get to do this. I told you it was too hard, that I won’t just be hidden away while you change who you are five times a day depending on who’s around you. I can’t, B. I want to be with you but I can’t, not like this.” David sounds so hurt, so scared and sad, and it shatters Brad’s heart.

“I have a plan,” Brad whispers, his voice hoarse. “I have a plan to get you back. I made one last night, with Dana and Rachel. I came out to them. I told them about us.” David raises his eyebrows a bit, and goes to open his mouth. “No,” Brad says, shaking his head. “Just… come back outside? Give me a chance to fix all of this shit?” Brad asks, holding his hand out as an invitation. David nods and takes Brad’s hand, giving it a quick squeeze. Brad’s heart pounds in his ears. He drops David’s hand as they leave the office, and it hurts him inside to do so. He turns and smiles at David quickly, and then starts to make his way over to the karaoke machine. Brad grabs the microphone and taps it. It emits a loud noise, and the whispers of everyone around him cease. _“Fucking shit, why did I think this was a good idea?”_ Brd thinks to himself as he looks around at all the people watching him all of a sudden. He brings the microphone up to his mouth, and starts to talk, hoping everyone can’t tell how much he’s freaking out.

“So, hey everyone. I’m Brad Bakshi, the head of the Mythic Quest monetization department. I have something I want to say.” He takes a deep breath and makes eye contact with David, who looks incredibly confused.

“Look… I know I’m not known as a nice person. I know you all know me as someone who only cares about making money, and who enjoys owning people,” Brad looks over towards Rachel who winks at him. He takes another breath. “That is who I am, but that’s not all I am. You all really don’t know me that well, even though we’ve been coworkers for years. I want to change that.” Someone in the audience makes a noise and Brad inwardly cringes. He’s becoming incredibly aware of just what he’s about to do, and he’s absolutely terrified. “I’m just going to start by saying that I’m dating someone.” Brad only has eyes for David now, no one else. Brad’s eyes are locked with David’s, and he feels his fear lessen a bit. “Or at least I was. I messed up, because I was terrified. And I,” Brad’s voice breaks. “I love this person. More than I have ever loved another person, more than I ever thought I was capable of loving another person. And this person, he knows me. He knows me so well.” Brad fights back the urge to throw up as whispers spread throughout the gathered people about Brad’s casual use of the pronoun “he.” This was it. He was out. He just came out to a bunch of people. Fuck. “Um,” Brad clears his throat. “Another thing that you don’t know about me, is that I can sing. And since there’s a karaoke machine, I wanted to sing a song for this person. For my person.” Brad turns and sets up the song he wants on the machine, his heart pounding in his ears. The music starts to come through the small speaker, and Brad opens his mouth and starts to sing.

_I've been talking to strangers_  
_Acting like I'm a stranger_  
_Look like I've been up all night_  
_And you know what? I hate it_

David covers his mouth with his hand, shakes his hand and Brad knows that he’s trying to not cry. Brad sings to David, keeping eye contact, and smiling softly. He ignores the whispers of the crowd, or the occasional chuckle and Rachel and Dana’s cheers, and just keeps singing the familiar words, all of them directed towards David.

_Oo-oo-ooh_  
_Long way down_  
_You're such a heart attack_  
_But it feels like oo-oo-ooh_  
_Pressure points_  
_They pressure you right back_  
_Come on, think about it_

David starts to walk up towards the karaoke machine, pushing past the other people watching. Brad’s heart is still thumping in his chest, and he keeps singing even though all he wants to do is run to David and beg him to say “I love you” back.

_Sometimes I hate that you know me so well_  
_Sometimes I, I hate that you know me so well_  
_Some days I, I wish that I wasn't myself_  
_No luck!_  
_And I hate that you know me so well_

David reaches Brad then and pulls him off the tiny little stage that the karaoke machine was set up on. The microphone falls onto the ground and makes another loud noise, but Brad doesn’t care. David is pulling Brad to him, pulling him close, and Brad buries his head into David’s neck, shakily inhales the cologne that David wears every day.

“That was amazing,” David whispers into Brad’s ear, and then they’re kissing. The people around them start cheering, and Brad hears a few whistles too. He doesn't pay them any mind, only cares about the fact that David is here, that he’s kissing him.

“I love you, David,” Brad whispers against David’s lips.

“I love you too Brad.”

**Author's Note:**

> yay!!! hate that you know me by bleachers is one of my favorite songs ever, and i recently found out that danny pudi (who plays brad), can sing, so i was like BAM, ideas. wohooo. also my best friend wants more of danny singing, so this was also sorta for her. cause yeah. anyway!! hope you guys liked this!! hope you have a great day/morning/night/afternoon and stay safe! (i have a lot of energy and am in a good mood right now if you can't tell. i apologize for nothing)


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